Oh Captain, My Captain...: DEAR TUMBLR, YOU HAVE SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE SYNDROME AND YOU NEED TO STOP
“GIRLS: LET’S GO OUT AND GET DRUNK AND PARTY WOOOO
ME: LET’S STAY IN TALK ABOUT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IN BOOKS”
YOU CAN DO BOTH, AT THE SAME TIME. THEY’RE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE AND YOU DON’T SEEM COOL BY SAYING THAT YOU PURPOSELY STAY IN TO BE…
We’ve had a long relationship. You were there for me when I was teething. You were there for me through family christmases. Hell, you even helped me go to school when I wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and go back to sleep and forget the bullies and the bullshit. And, yeah, OK, just before I finally walked out of that shithole was the first time I turned my back on you. But we sorted it out, didn’t we? All those nights with the Who crowd at the Fitzroy Tavern, singing like a loon with the Pratchett crowd. New Year 2000, and oh, gawd, company meeting nights. That night on Waterloo Bridge. That night we all got thrown out of wherever the hell that was because of what we egged on M and S to do. You even kept me warm and cheerful and always got me home - or at least to a friend’s sofa - no matter how late it was or where we were. I know it’s not been all plain sailing, and I have a few regrets about what we got up to together, but I forgive you for that. I forgive you for what happened with J and with D. What they did was their fault, not mine and not yours. OK so I’ve not had so much time for you lately, but why should I when you’ve turned so cruel? What the hell happened to us? For more than 30 years, we’ve always had a laugh. You’ve been with me for all the best times, and supported me during the worst. And yes, alright, something else came along, something that’s a big part of my life that you can’t share in, not ever, but I didn’t forget about you. I never forgot your smell, your taste, the fun we had. I’ve been spending less time with you these last couple of years, but is that any wonder when as soon as I tried to make time for you, I found you’ve turned on me? Maybe I’m just getting old, but I don’t enjoy our time together the way I used to. It seems like all you do now is hurt me. You don’t make me happy any more, you make me sick and tired and leave me with a pounding head.
So fuck you, Alcohol, I’m with Diesel now. We’re really going places.
